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Grieving Through the Holidays: 50 Ideas To Help You Feel Better

December 24, 2020 by Barb Brown

Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Grief at any time can be a burden but grief at the holidays can bring you to your knees. This year especially has been a rough one. We have each lost something this year. A loved one, opportunities, a job, a dream, and more. I think this year, more than ever before, it's going to be important to honor our grief to get through this holiday season in a lighter way and step into 2021 feeling stronger and at peace with 2020.

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Or so the song says. But what happens when you are grieving and cannot get into the holiday spirit? Trying to be happy when you are grieving is a tough task. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, grief, sadness, moments of joy, all of it!?

Emotions are there for a reason and contrary to popular belief there is not a filing cabinet where we can file those difficult emotions until after the holidays. If you attempt this it may be detrimental to your healing and your health. The best way to get through it is to realize that this holiday season will be different and allow all of your emotions to flow, tears and all.

I have two friends who have each lost a parent this year. I've been thinking about them and have written this with them in mind in an attempt to help provide support and comfort during this difficult time where all the world expects us to be happy. No need to "bah humbug" Christmas. With a little self-care and permission to be authentic in your emotions you can get through this season and maybe even enjoy a few moments along the way.

I lost my mom on Christmas night 2000 so I understand grief and the holidays. I still celebrate the Christmas season but I do it in a much more thoughtful way. And I have incorporated a practice called the 13 Holy Nights into my routine making the season much more meaningful. This is normally a very tender time for me and I have learned over the years just how to get through the season and feel moments of joy along the way. I am also dealing with my 94 year old father with dementia, thinking that this will be his last Christmas, making things extremely difficult. I have leaned into radical self care, the art of saying no, and keeping things simple. 

I want to share some of the things that help me through this difficult time. You don't have to do them all. The key is to do something, almost anything to move into another emotion, the goal is to move into a better feeling emotion. First, I think it's important to start with a few don'ts.

One very important note is that you should not use substances to drown your sorrows (drugs & alcohol). First, alcohol is a depressant and even if you feel some relief at first, eventually it will have a negative impact.  Also, when you drink or drug you numb ALL emotions, the "bad" and the "good" emotions, so you cannot feel into those simple moments of joy which is what gets you through the grief. Please don't be afraid of your emotions. Allow them to flow in and out, and if you feel stuck seek the support of a trained counselor or mentor. 

Eat "comfort food" at a minimum. I have found that comfort food is similar to alcohol. It may feel good at the moment but can come back to haunt you in the end. Too much sugar weakens the immune system making you more susceptible to getting sick and grief is already stressing your body. You also run the risk of getting an upset stomach creating more trouble than help. I suggest sticking with a simple diet with balanced nutrition and plenty of fresh water.

Now, on to the "do" list. Here are some things that make me feel better.

1. Keep things simple
2. Say NO when you need to
3. Get plenty of sleep
4. Rest your body
5. Get out of bed every morning
6. Journal
7. Create SoulCollage® cards
8. Take an epsom salt bath
9. Cuddle on the couch with blankets and an uplifting movie or book

10. Listen to music
11. Dance to the music
12. Sing with the music
13. Play with dogs and kitties
14. Call your best friend
15. Meet a friend for coffee, lunch, or a walk in the park
16. Write a letter to the loved one you lost
17. Go see light displays. I enjoy the zoo and botanic gardens.
18. Take a walk outside
19. Eat simply
20. Drink plenty of water
21. Keep things at home tidy
22. Create a vision board
23. Adult coloring books
24. Read a good book or listen to a book on audio
25. Use essential oils. Lavender is great for sleeping. Young Living's Peace and Calming is very soothing. And Joy essential oil is specifically for grief.
26. Go outside at night and look up at the stars and moon
27. Sit by the fire and watch the flames dance
28. Ask for help if you need it
29. Allow all of the feelings to flow
30. Understand that grief is a process that circles round and round
31. Practice gratitude
32. Have some fun
33. Be creative
34. Go to church or an online worship service
35. Allow yourself to cry
36. Allow yourself to laugh
37. Allow yourself to stay home
38. Make lists of tasks you need to accomplish
39. Make lists of fun things you want to do
40. Move your body, exercise, take a walk, lift some weights
41. Get a massage
42. Go for acupuncture
43. Meet with a counselor, mentor, or coach
44. Pray
45. Meditate
46. Breathe. Remember to breathe!
47. Be patient with yourself
48. Start a new hobby or craft
49. Celebrate and honor your loved one
50. Celebrate and honor yourself
 

This is my mom, in the middle with me (on the right) and my oldest sister, Gloria, many years ago. My mom loved Christmas! Decorating, making cookies, hosting the family, and  sharing gifts. There isn't a day that I don't think about her.  I have pictures of her all over the house. Her spirit will always be with me.

"Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Grief doesn't go away over night. Actually, grief never really goes away. It cycles and becomes a part of us. There are moments when grief seems so far away and sometimes we have moments of profound grief that completely take us by surprise. Allow those moments. Be gentle with yourself in those moments. Breathe in those moments. Rest in those moments. From each of those moments, by allowing the grief to flow, you are able to move to another level of healing. The goal is to tap into moments of joy or at least moments without grief. Let it out. Allow it to flow. Practice self care. Practice self love. If you feel stuck in your grief or have trauma associated with the person you lost, I highly encourage you to seek support from a trained counselor.

As always, if you want my support, please feel free to contact me. I can help you get to the next level of peace and step into more moments of joy. But you must allow yourself to feel the grief to get to the lasting joy. Be well. I wish you peace. I wish you love. I wish you joy.

2020 – An Epic Journey

October 1, 2020 by Barb Brown

What a Year 2020 Has Been,
And We Still Have 3 Months to Go!

There is No Going Back

March 6th was my birthday. I spent the day with good friends. Lunch, dinner, and then a fireside chat on my patio that night. My life hasn’t been the same since. And I know that your life hasn’t been the same either. I heard it on the news in disbelief. The talk of “social distancing” and the prediction of a global pandemic. It was hard to believe that something like that could come true. Surely our scientists, government, and health care system could stop this thing and protect us. But they could not.

I, like many others, have taken a step back these past few months as an opportunity of self-reflection as well as healing. I was impacted by the stress of a virus out of control, lock downs, and financial concerns, but I have also been dealing with family stress for the last three years that has had a bigger impact on my life, health, and well-being. In a way, I was thankful for the lockdown as it gave me permission to stay home, isolate, recuperate, and heal from the trauma I have been experiencing for the past 3 years. 

I'd like to share a bit of my journey with you here

Three years ago my dad asked me to help him with some of the management of his business (commercial rental property). As I dug into the work that needed to be done I recognized a severe decline in his mental abilities, but he was not willing to look at or discuss the situation with me. Last year I went to a doctor's appointment with him and said out loud that I was concerned about him and asked the doctor for an evaluation for dementia. My father became enraged, hired an attorney, and cut me off, in fear of losing control.

Earlier this year we were able to file for a third party conservator but the hearing was delayed because of the C-19 shut down. In June the court granted our request. We now have a conservator overseeing his finances and managing the business and I am out of the line of fire, so to speak. I have not seen my dad in over a year and have not talked to him on the phone since late February. It has been a difficult journey and I know that I have done my best and did what I needed to do to take care of myself as well as my father. My dad did receive an evaluation and was diagnosed with moderate executive dysfunction last July (2019).

I will be talking about this journey more in the future as well as how to manage the grief and ambiguous loss that this scenario can bring up.

Not Business as Usual

It seems that between taking care of my dad's business, preparing for the court hearing, and then the craziness that this year has brought, I have not had the energy or clarity around my business and yet new insights have been coming to me for months and I wanted to take this opportunity to share with you the direction I will be heading. I am very excited about the new ideas and opportunities ahead of me.

A New Business Name and Website

Last January I realized that I wanted to rebrand my business using the web domain of my very first spiritual mentor, Chris Donovan, who passed away in April of 2017. I so resonate with insight and healing and her energy will be infused in this website and in all that I offer. Without her guidance, I would not be here today offering this powerful work. The website is nearly complete and ready to greet all visitors with a wide variety of information, inspiration, and opportunities to heal, grow, and tune in to spirit.

Hypnotherapy

In the spring of 2019, I completed my hypnotherapy certification. I spent the fall practicing with clients and was just getting ready to start this amazing work when everything was shut down due to the pandemic. 

I will be offering hypnotherapy in person again soon and I am also offering it online now as well. I will also be integrating hypnotherapy in most everything that I do because I believe it is such a powerful and valuable tool.

Radical Self-Care

I am in the process of creating a new series around self-care that I will be delivering in the coming weeks and months. Look for the email series to begin soon. I'm so excited to be pulling this information together and to be able to offer many of my favorite self-care techniques with you. I will bring it all together later this year as an online course and share it with my community first. If you are not on my list, you can sign up here to receive this series.

There are so many techniques to choose from including:

  • Creating healthy routines and rituals
  • Healthy eating and healthy movement
  • Meditation
  • Hypnosis and self hypnosis
  • Aromatherapy and the use of essential oils
  • Holistic health modalities for health and immune support
  • And so much more!

There are so many things I'm looking forward to in the coming months and I'm glad you are on this journey with me. I have much more coming soon and I can't wait to share it with you!

Until next time, I wish you joy!

Grieving Through the Holidays: 50 Ideas To Help You Feel Better

December 23, 2018 by Barb Brown

Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Grief at any time can be a burden but grief at the holidays can bring you to your knees. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Or so the song says. But what happens when you are grieving and cannot get into the holiday spirit? There is a disconnect with your surroundings and your current situation making it difficult to keep up with your emotions.

Trying to be happy when you are grieving is a tough task. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, grief, sadness, and all!?

Emotions are there for a reason and contrary to popular belief there is not a filing cabinet where we can file those difficult emotions until after the holidays. If you attempt this it may be detrimental to your healing and your health. The best way to get through it is to realize that this holiday season will be different and allow all of your emotions to flow, tears and all.

I have a friend who recently lost her husband and I have two friends who recently lost a daughter. I've been thinking about them and have written this with them in mind in an attempt to help provide support and comfort during this difficult time where all the world expects us to be happy. No need to "bah humbug" Christmas. With a little self care and permission to be authentic in your emotions you can get through this season and maybe even enjoy a few moments along the way.

I lost my mom on Christmas night 2000 so I understand grief and the holidays. I still celebrate the Christmas season but I do it in a much more thoughtful way. And I have incorporated a practice called the 13 Holy Nights into my routine making the season much more meaningful. This is normally a very tender time for me and I have learned over the years just how to get through the season and feel moments of joy along the way. This year I am also dealing with my 92 year old father, making things extremely difficult. I have leaned into radical self care, the art of saying no, and keeping things simple. 

I want to share some of the things that help me through this difficult time. You don't have to do them all. The key is to do something, almost anything to move into another emotion, the goal is to move into a better feeling emotion. First, I think it's important to start with a few don'ts.

Do not use substances to drown your sorrows (drugs & alcohol). First, alcohol is a depressant and even if you feel some relief at first, eventually it was have a negative impact. Also, when you drink or drug you numb ALL emotions, the "bad" and the "good" emotions. So you cannot feel into those simple moments of joy which is what gets you through the grief. Please don't be afraid of your emotions. Allow them to flow in and out, and if you feel stuck seek the support of a trained counselor.

Eat "comfort food" at a minimum. I have found that comfort food is similar to alcohol. It may feel good at the moment but can come back to haunt you in the end. Too much sugar weakens the immune system making you more susceptible to getting sick and grief is already stressing your body. You also run the risk of getting an upset stomach creating more trouble than help. I suggest sticking with a simple diet with balanced nutrition and plenty of fresh water. 

Now, on to the "do" list. Here are some things that make me feel better.

1. Keep things simple
2. Say NO when you need to
3. Get plenty of sleep
4. Rest your body
5. Get out of bed every morning
6. Journal
7. Create SoulCollage® cards
8. Take an epsom salt bath
9. Cuddle on the couch with blankets and an uplifting movie or music

10. Listen to music
11. Dance to the music
12. Sing with the music
13. Play with dogs and kitties
14. Call your best friend
15. Meet a friend for coffee or lunch
16. Go to the theater
17. Go see light displays. I enjoy the zoo and botanic gardens.
18. Take a walk outside
19. Eat simply
20. Drink plenty of water
21. Keep things at home tidy
22. Create a vision board
23. Adult coloring books
24. Read a good book or listen to a book on audio
25. Use essential oils. Lavender is great for sleeping. Young Living's Peace and Calming is very soothing. And Joy essential oil is specifically for grief.
26. Go outside at night and look at the stars and moon
27. Sit by the fire and watch the flames dance
28. Ask for help if you need it
29. Allow all of the feelings to flow
30. Understand that grief is a process that circles round and round
31. Practice gratitude
32. Have some fun
33. Be creative
34. Go to church
35. Allow yourself to cry
36. Allow yourself to laugh
37. Allow yourself to stay home
38. Make lists of tasks you need to accomplish
39. Make lists of fun things you want to do
40. Move your body, exercise, take a walk, lift some weights
41. Get a massage
42. Go for acupuncture
43. Meet with a counselor, mentor, or coach
44. Pray
45. Meditate
46. Breathe. Remember to breathe!
47. Be patient with yourself
48. Start a new hobby or craft
49. Celebrate and honor your loved one
50. Celebrate and honor yourself
 

This is my mom, Jeanne, 18 years ago. Just 5 days before she died. She was too ill to make it to my graduation from graduate school but she was very proud of me. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about her and many days I think about calling her. I have pictures of her all over the house. Her spirit will always be with me.

"Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Grief doesn't go away over night. Actually, grief never really goes away. It cycles and becomes a part of us. There are moments when grief seems so far away and sometimes we have moments of profound grief that completely take us by surprise. Allow those moments. Be gentle with yourself in those moments. Breathe in those moments. Rest in those moments. From each of those moments, by allowing the grief to flow, you are able to move to another level of healing. The goal is to tap into moments of joy or at least moments without grief. Let it out. Allow it to flow. Practice self care. Practice self love. If you feel stuck in your grief or have trauma associated with the person you lost, I highly encourage you to seek support from a trained counselor.

As always, if you want my support, please feel free to contact me. I can help you get to the next level of peace and step into more moments of joy. But you must allow yourself to feel the grief to get to the lasting joy. Be well. I wish you peace. I wish you love. I wish you joy.

Qigong For Health

October 17, 2017 by Barb Brown

Traditional Chinese Medicine Practices: Qigong

I love Qigong!

 I was first introduced to the practice when I thought I was signing up for a Tai Chi class, which is very similar to Active Qigong. In fact, what I signed up for was Meditative Qigong. I continued in the study of Qigong by completing a year long program of Energy Healing Qigong. 

My experience with Qigong changed my life, helping me to focus, ground, and heal, as well as help me form a deeper spiritual practice. I can't imagine my life without it!

Most Popular Method of Disease Prevention

Qigong is the most popular method of disease prevention in China. It is an ancient practice including flowing movement, gentle exercise, controlled breathing techniques, self-massage, and meditation, all used to cultivate and move the Qi or life energy through the body. 

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  • Grieving Through the Holidays: 50 Ideas To Help You Feel Better
  • 2020 – An Epic Journey
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