Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom. Rumi

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Or so the song says. But what happens when you are grieving and cannot get into the holiday spirit? Trying to be happy when you are grieving is a tough task. What would happen if you gave yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, grief, sadness, moments of joy, all of it!?

Emotions are there for a reason and contrary to popular belief there is not a filing cabinet where we can file those difficult emotions until after the holidays. If you attempt this it may be detrimental to your healing and your health. The best way to get through it is to realize that this holiday season will be different and allow all of your emotions to flow, tears and all.

I have two friends who have each lost a parent this year. I've been thinking about them and have written this with them in mind in an attempt to help provide support and comfort during this difficult time where all the world expects us to be happy. No need to "bah humbug" Christmas. With a little self-care and permission to be authentic in your emotions you can get through this season and maybe even enjoy a few moments along the way.

I want to share some of the things that help me through this difficult time. You don't have to do them all. The key is to do something, almost anything to move into another emotion, the goal is to move into a better feeling emotion. First, I think it's important to start with a few don'ts.

One very important note is that you should not use substances to drown your sorrows (drugs & alcohol). First, alcohol is a depressant and even if you feel some relief at first, eventually it will have a negative impact.  Also, when you drink or drug you numb ALL emotions, the "bad" and the "good" emotions, so you cannot feel into those simple moments of joy which is what gets you through the grief. Please don't be afraid of your emotions. Allow them to flow in and out, and if you feel stuck seek the support of a trained counselor or mentor. 

Eat "comfort food" at a minimum. I have found that comfort food is similar to alcohol. It may feel good at the moment but can come back to haunt you in the end. Too much sugar weakens the immune system making you more susceptible to getting sick and grief is already stressing your body. You also run the risk of getting an upset stomach creating more trouble than help. I suggest sticking with a simple diet with balanced nutrition and plenty of fresh water.

Now, on to the "do" list. Here are some things that make me feel better.

"Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Grief doesn't go away over night. Actually, grief never really goes away. It cycles and becomes a part of us. There are moments when grief seems so far away and sometimes we have moments of profound grief that completely take us by surprise. Allow those moments. Be gentle with yourself in those moments. Breathe in those moments. Rest in those moments. From each of those moments, by allowing the grief to flow, you are able to move to another level of healing. The goal is to tap into moments of joy or at least moments without grief. Let it out. Allow it to flow. Practice self care. Practice self love. If you feel stuck in your grief or have trauma associated with the person you lost, I highly encourage you to seek support from a trained counselor.